Too Hot to Move
by EDD17SP
Summary: On the hottest day in Echo Creek in a decade, the Diaz's A/C fails. Star and Marco are left alone in the house to watch tv, complain about the heat, and talk about their lives post-magic, because it's too hot to move and what else are they supposed to do? Rated "T" for one suggestive joke.


**Hey, I'm back for/with more.**

**I'll be honest, this didn't really come out as well as I'd hoped it would. For one thing it doesn't...really...have...an ending...But I did get a couple jokes in it that (in addition to making me bump up the rating to "T" for one of them) made me chuckle, and I spent a decent amount of time writing it, so I posted it anyway.**

**I'm currently writing a SVTFoE/Star Wars crossover in the same spirit as the _Phineas and Ferb_ Star Wars episode. It is located appropriately in the crossover section of this site. I am putting a _lot_ of work into it, so if you're a fan of both, I'd really love it if you would check it out.**

**By the way, that joke that made me bump up the rating to "T"...if you don't get it, I am not explaining it.**

**Anyway, here's this thing:**

Star awoke to the rising sun streaming in through her window.

_Morning already?_

The very instant that she moved a muscle, she became aware of the fact that her nightgown was clinging uncomfortably to her skin with a feeling of dampness and her long blonde hair was matted to her forehead.

"Yeeeeeeeehhhhhhck," she groaned as she sat up. _It is SO HOT in here!_

She flung the covers off, which helped immensely, but her bedroom was still sweltering.

"Okay, seriously, what is the deal with this heat?"

* * *

"Marco! Marco, wake up!"

Marco opened his eyes to find Star standing beside his bed.

"Star? What's wron- Oh, good LORD, why is it so hot?"

"Yeah, that's what's wrong!"

Marco threw off his blanket and looked down at his body. His pajamas were plastered to his body with moisture. "Eww! I don't think I've ever been this sweaty in my life!"

"You're telling me! I woke up completely moist."

Marco cringed. "Please don't use that word."

"What word? Moist?"

He cringed again. "Yes, that one! I hate that word!"

Star leaned closer to her boyfriend's ear. "Mmmmmoooiiiiiist," she whispered. "Moist moist moist."

"Gah! Stop!" Marco jumped out of bed. "Ugh, moving feels so gross."

"Why? Because you're all...moist?"

"Stop that!"

Star giggled to herself. "Come on, Moist Boy, let's go see what's up."

* * *

They reached the bottom of the stairs just as Mr. Diaz walked through the front door. His face was drenched with sweat and he was wiping off his hands with a rag. "Oh, children, you are awake. I am sorry about the heat. The air conditioner compressor seems to have seized up during the night."

"Isn't the forecast for today supposed to be, like, the hottest day in a decade or something?" Marco asked.

"I believe that is what I heard yesterday, yes."

Star and Marco exchanged a look of dejection and followed Mr. Diaz into the kitchen.

"I am off to go look for the part to fix the A/C," Mr. Diaz said as he retrieved his car keys from a kitchen drawer.

"Where's Mrs. Diaz and Mariposa?" Star asked.

"Angie took Mariposa to her mother's house. She was afraid the little one would get sick in this heat." He turned to the kids. "Can you two keep an eye on things here while I am gone?"

"Sure, Dad. It's too hot to try to go anywhere today, anyway."

"Thank you, Marco! See you later, kids!"

Marco followed his father to the front door and waved goodbye from the front stoop. Then he noticed the newspaper sitting at the end of the driveway. He took two steps out from under the porch overhang to go retrieve it and into the direct sunlight.

"Oh-my-gosh-it-is-_so much worse_-in-the-sun!

He darted back under the safety of the overhang, tripping on the edge of the concrete stoop. Star caught his arms and prevented him crashing to the ground.

"There is no way I am going out there again," he gasped as Star helped him back to his feet. "Thanks for the catch."

"Hey, no problem. Don't...*sweat it*." And she laughed to herself.

Marco looked down at his arms. Star still held one of them in each of her own hands. "Um...you can let go now."

"I can't."

"Come on, Star, it's too hot to fool around."

"No, I'm serious. I can't let go."

Marco tried to retract his arms to his sides and nearly caused his girlfriend to fall over. They struggled for several seconds until they finally were able to overcome the stickiness and pull apart.

"So...that was kinda gross."

"'Kinda'?" Star repeated as she attempted to wipe off her hands on her already damp nightgown.

Marco headed for the stairs. "I think I'm going to go take a cold shower and put on some dry clothes."

"And I'm going to go try to climb into the freezer."

"Alright, you do that."

* * *

Having taken a shower herself, Star changed into a tank top and a pair of shorts and went back down to the living room where she found Marco on the couch. He had placed an oscillating fan on top of the tv and was on the far end of the couch, dressed in his swim trunks and a tank top, slouched way down and holding the tv remote. He glanced over at her.

"Feel better?"

"I did for about two minutes, but I'm already starting to sweat again."

Marco gestured to the other end of the couch. "Well, welcome to the chill zone."

Star plopped down on the opposite end of the couch, already feeling some relief from the heat in the breeze from the fan. "I can see this is going to be a cuddle-free day."

"Waaaay too hot for that."

"It's too hot for anything. It's so hot, I feel short of breath just from walking down the stairs."

"Exactly. So we're just gonna sit here and watch tv, and we're going to move as little as possible."

"That sounds good to me," Star said with a sigh. "What are we watching?"

"No idea. I've just been sitting here flipping." He pressed the button for channel 2. "I'll start over now that you're here."

"Ohhhh yeahhhh..." Star slouched down even lower. "Let's lets see just how much nothing we can do." She motioned to the tv. "Flip away."

"I'm on it."

...3...4...5...6...7...

Star took off her horn headband. "Man, it's so hot I don't even feel like wearing this thing."

...10...11...

"But you never take off your horns. Like, ever."

"Yeah, I know. But its squishing my hair down on my head and making me even hotter. It feels like I'm mellllltinnnnnng." She turned the headband over in her hand, and spotted the small table in the corner that held one of Mrs. Diaz's plants. "I bet I could toss this like a horseshoe and hook it around the leg on that table."

"Go for it."

She spun the headband across the room and it bounced off the wall.

"Aw. Missed."

"Gonna try again?"

Star took a very slow breath. "Mmmmmmm...getting it back would require moving, though."

...21...22...

"You know, If you still had magic you could retrieve it without having to get up."

"Yup. Now would not be a bad time to have magic."

"Why's that?"

"Because, we could use a little Winterstorm Hyperblow action in here."

"Awww, man...that would be perfect right now."

"Mhm."

...36...37...

"Maybe you should try it anyway, just to make sure."

Star gave her boyfriend a funny look. "Seriously?"

Marco shrugged. "What's the worst thing that happens? It works? Plus, it's been a long time since I've heard you yell a spell. I miss it."

"Heehee. 'Yell a spell.'" She looked at her hands. "I'm not getting up, though." She held out her palms and cried "WINTERSTORM HYPERBLOW!"

Nothing happened.

"Guess the magic didn't miraculously come back," Marco said.

"Nope." And Star sighed contentedly as she lowered her hands. "Ahhhh...that was nice."

"What was? Nothing happened."

"Exactly. The magic is stiiiiiiill gone." And she sank down even lower on the couch. "And that's just wonderful."

Marco smiled and shook his head.

...55...56...57...58...59...60...61...62...

Marco set down the remote and looked over at his girlfriend. "Hey, Star?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"You know..." He swallowed, slightly apprehensive to say it out loud. "Destroying the magic."

"Nope."

Her complete lack of hesitation surprised him. "Really? You don't miss it?"

"Oh, no, I miss it. I wish I had it right now to cool us off, or to retrieve my headband from allllllll the way over theeerrrrrre," she moaned, looking toward where it had landed. "But it was nothing but trouble. It needed to die. Life is honestly better without it."

Throughout the entire exchange, Star never shifted her gaze to meet Marco's. He stared at her for a few moments longer and then picked up the remote again.

...63...64...

"Now if the magic hadn't merged our dimensions when it blew up and I had lost you forever..."

Marco froze. Despite the fan currently blowing right on him, he felt a rush of internal heat that caused him to sweat even more. He and Star looked at each other simultaneously.

"...I would have regretted it every second of every day for the rest of my life."

Marco didn't even know what to say. He and Star stared at each other a moment longer and then he reached over and took her hand in his. She smiled at him, and they both turned back to the tv.

...65...66...Marco lingered on channel 67 where an old movie was playing.

"Okay, hand getting sweaty," Star said.

"Yup, mine too."

They both laughed as they let go and wiped off their damp palms.

"Stupid weather." Marco chuckled. "Won't even let us share a moment without making it gross."

"It really is ridiculous."

...68...69...70...

Channel 71 was playing a paranormal investigation show. The host and two other men were trying to capture footage of a ghost in an abandoned prison.

"Hey, if magic is...or...was...real, are ghosts real?" Marco asked.

Star shrugged. "I was a magic user, not a medium. And that one time me and Janna tried to have a séance, we sorta got attacked by Ludo and we never found out if Bon-bon actually came back or not. Tom might know, though."

"Ooh, good idea. I'll text him." Marco looked at his phone on the coffee table. "Uhnnnn...it's so far away." He blinked slowly, and then shifted his gaze from the his phone, to the tv, to his phone, and back again. "I'll ask him later."

Star grinned. "Not worth the effort of leaning forward to pick up your phone?"

"Nope."

"I agree with you. Definitely not worth the effort."

...72...73...

Marco stopped. "Hey, look, this infomercial has a monster in it!"

Sure enough, a bluish-gray monster with fins on its head and feathers on its arms was demonstrating the performance of a vacuum cleaner.

"Aw, yeah..." Star stretched her arms. "I think that's the first time I've seen a monster on tv outside of the news. Its nice to see Earth and Mewni culture starting to integrate a little."

They watched the infomercial for a few minutes, and then Marco resumed channel surfing.

...74...75...76...77...78...

Star's eyes drifted over to Marco. She looked him up and down. "You know what I miss the most about the magic being gone?"

"Yes."

Star blinked. "Wait, what?"

Marco didn't even look in her direction. "I already know what you're gonna say."

"No, you don't!"

"I can feel you looking at me. I know exactly what you miss most."

"Fine, smart guy, what is it?"

"You miss being able to go to Hekapoo's dimension to see my abs."

Star sighed dreamily. "Yeahhhhh...wow, you do know me well."

"You bet I do."

...83...84...85...86...

"I wonder what you would have looked like."

"Hmm?"

"I wonder what you would have looked like if you had been with me all the years I spent in that dimension."

Star thought for a minute, considered a few things, and then simply answered, "Hot."

...93...

Marco looked in her direction and studied his girlfriend for a moment. Dressed in a tank top and shorts instead of one of her usual dresses, it was easy to imagine what she would look like with her physical characteristics altered. He smirked. "Yeah, I can see it."

"Too bad we'll never know. I don't plan on questing for sixteen straight years."

"I don't either, so I guess Hot Marco will forever only exist in our memories."

"Yeah..." Star sighed dreamily again. "Sweet, glorious memories."

...94...95...96...97...

"Do you miss Glossaryck?"

The question made Star jump. "I...um..." She looked at Marco. "Do you?"

"I asked first."

Star bit her lip. "Uh...I...don't know."

Marco threw up his hands. "Right? I don't know if I miss him or not, either!"

Star put her hands together and twiddled her thumbs. "I...feel like I _should_ miss him...I mean, he was really frustrating sometimes-"

"You mean infuriating."

"Oh, yeah, totally, that too." Star scratched her temple in thought. "But...he did always know the best way to teach me..." She fell silent.

Marco noticed she was looking down rather dejectedly. "Well, wherever he is, I hope there's lots of pudding."

"Yeah..." Star smiled. "So do I."

...98...99...100...101...

* * *

...178...179...180...

Star covered her eyes with her arms and groaned. "Ughhhhhhh..."

"What?"

"It is so hoooooooot."

Marco sighed. "Yup."

...183...184...

"I have an idea how to cool off..." Star began.

"What is it?"

"Remember on beach day when your mom found my swimsuit in the freezer?"

"Sure."

"I could freeze it again, but, you know, put it on while it's still frozen."

...189...

"Would you even be able to put it on? Wouldn't it be hard as a rock?"

"Well, yeah, if it was wet."

"I doubt it would stay cold very long if it didn't have water in it to, ya know...retain the chill."

...190...

"Good point, good point. Okay, I could soak it with water and then put it in the refrigerator. That would get pretty cold without freezing solid."

"Yeah, that would probably work. But there's still a major flaw in your plan."

"What's that?"

"You'd have to get up off the couch."

Star folded her arms and slouched down even lower. "Well, in that case, it's not worth the effort."

"Also, my mom said no more clothing anywhere food is stored."

"Darn it."

Marco flipped all the way from channel 193 to 266 while they sat in silence, sweltering in the heat.

"My face...feels...like it's a liquid," Star finally stated.

"Yeah," Marco gasped. "I can't remember what it feels like to not be damp."

Star smirked. "You mean..."

Catching the look on her face, Marco winced. "Oh no."

"...What it feels like..."

"Star, please don't say it..."

"...to not be..."

Marco covered his ears. "I'm begging you!"

Star paused for an uncomfortably long time before finishing. "...moist?"

"Aaaaaarrrrg!"

* * *

...432...433...434...

"I'm starting to get hungry," Star said.

"Yeah, me too." Marco looked at the clock on the cable box. "It is about lunch time."

Star groaned. "We're gonna have to get up to get food, aren't we?"

Marco stopped at channel 439. "I wonder if I called and ordered a pizza for delivery if the delivery person would bring it into the house and set it within reach for us."

Star blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Even if they would, I don't really want a hot lunch."

"Yeah, I don't either. I was just wondering how we could get food without getting off the couch." Marco flipped up to 467.

Star wiped off her brow. "We could just not get lunch and complain about that, too."

Marco considered it for a moment. "Eh...sure, why not?"

And so, they did.

"Marcoooo..."

"Yeah?"

"I am soooo hungryyyyy..." Star moaned over-dramatically.

"Me tooooo..."

"But it's so hoooooot."

"I knowwwww."

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?"

"Jeez, you two are perfect for each other."

Star and Marco practically leapt out of their skin in surprise at the sound of the unexpected voice and looked toward its source. Janna was standing right next to Star's end of the couch, lacking her hat and jacket but otherwise dressed normally.

"Janna!" Marco exclaimed, sitting forward. "How did you get in here?"

"Um, your front door and every window in the house are wide open."

"Oh, right."

Star sat up. "What brings you here?"

"I was walking past on my way home and thought I could cool off for a few minutes, but your house is almost as hot as it is outside, Diaz! What gives?"

Marco sighed and leaned back again. "A/C is broken. Dad's off getting the part to fix it."

"So you two are just sitting here complaining?"

"Pretty much."

"Sounds like a blast," she said dryly. "But I think I'll go and let you get back to it."

"Okay, bye Janna!" Star waved.

"Later." And Janna left.

Star and Marco watched her depart. "You know, I think that's the shortest unanticipated visit from Janna I've ever had."

"Must be the heat," Star said. "Her A/C at home probably works, and she wants to get back to it." She crossed her arms. "Can't really say I blame her."

Marco picked up the remote again and resumed flipping aimlessly through the channels. "And there's channel 500," he eventually announced. "I don't think I've ever made it up this far."

"How many channels do you actually get?"

"I don't know...when my dad was ordering the service, he misread the descriptions of the packages and accidentally got the most comprehensive one, so...all of them, I guess."

"Well, we'll never get through them all at this rate. You're going too slow."

"That's the point. We're not actually looking for something to watch. We're just wasting time."

"You're still doing it wrong." Star held out her hand. "Give me the remote."

Marco handed it to her and she pulled up the channelguide, scrolling through it hastily and barely reading the program titles as they flew past. She blew through the 500's and kept going up into the 600's and even the 700's.

"Oh, hey, here's something we can watch. Looks like a nature program."

Marco had been getting dizzy watching the guide zoom by and had closed his eyes. He looked back at the screen, saw the program title, and looked at the channel logo on the edge of the guide box. "That's not a nature program, Star."

"Sure it is."

"Don't put that channel on," Marco said. It wasn't an urgent warning. Secretly, he kind of wanted to see what her reaction would be to the show in question.

"What's the big deal? It's just a nature show."

"Trust me, it isn't."

Star hit _Enter_ on the remote to tune to the channel. "Of course it's a nature program, Marco. What else would a show called 'All About Beavers' be abouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-oooooohhhhhhh..."

Star's eyes grew wide as she caught sight of the screen. She stared unblinkingly at it, not entirely able to fathom what she was seeing.

Marco laughed so hard that his side was in stitches. "I tried to warn you!" When his laughter subsided and he looked at the tv again, he expected Star to have changed the channel. She hadn't. In fact, she hadn't even moved, the same shocked expression still frozen on her face, her eyes locked on the screen.

"Star...change the channel." She didn't move. "Change the channel, Star." He snapped his fingers in her direction, but she didn't react. "Star?"

"...Whaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

"Give me the remote, Star."

At last, she acknowledged him. "Huh?"

"Give me the remote," he said again slowly, holding out his hand.

"Yeahhhhh...okay."

She slowly dropped the remote into his hand and Marco changed the channel as quickly as his fingers could find the buttons.

Star blinked slowly and her expression softened. "Now I'm sweaty for a completely different reason on top of the original reason."

Marco smirked at her. "I tried to warn you."

"I wasn't completely wrong." Star returned Marco's smirk. "It was sort of a nature program."

"Star, there was nothing natural about what was going on there."

He looked back at the tv. He had flipped it to channel 2, all the way back to the beginning. He glanced back over at Star, who was trying to spread out her hair enough to get some air flow from the fan through it. He turned off the tv.

"I have an idea how to cool off. It requires moving, but I think it will be worth it."

Star dropped the strands of her hair that she was holding up. "If it cools me off, I'm down for whatever you're thinking, Diaz. What do I have to do?"

Marco stood up. "Nothing. The only thing you have to do is go put on your swimsuit and then meet me in the backyard."

Star raised an eyebrow at Marco. "That's all?"

"That's all."

For the first time in several hours, Star got to her feet. "Alright."

* * *

Dressed in her swimsuit and her eyes protected by sunglasses, Star stepped out the door into the backyard. Near the shed, she spotted a huge umbrella stuck into the ground. An ice chest and two chairs were in the shade beneath it, one of which was occupied by Marco. She sank into the empty chair beside him.

"So...what's the plan here?"

Marco held up his hand, which was wrapped around the nozzle on the end of the garden hose. "Observe."

He aimed the nozzle straight up at the underside of the umbrella and gently squeezed the trigger a fraction. The water misted upward and deflected off the umbrella, gently falling back down on them.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...that is niiiiiiice." Star slid down in the chair.

Marco dropped the hose and opened the cooler. "I also have popsicles." He pulled out a colorful variety of freeze pops and handed one to Star.

"Did I ever tell you that you're amazing?" Star said as she unwrapped the popsicle.

Marco took a bite of his own frozen treat. "You could stand to mention it more often."


End file.
